“OMFG, how will I know what to do?” The world is full of information on what straight couples do in bed. In the papers, in the movies… everywhere. Girl-on-girl sex? Not so much. Even though having had male sexual partners may help inform a fair bit of what you do, it still might feel strange to be giving what you have previously received. The good news is that although tips and tricks are handy, sex is still largely intuitive whatever genders it’s between. You might find you surprise yourself…
Your virgin voyage to the Sapphic Isles needn’t come without a personalised map – or, you know, a super-hot Sat Nav with the voice of Marilyn Monroe, if you’re lucky. You don’t have to arrange a pre-coital business meeting with pointing sticks and blow-up dolls, but once you’ve brushed up on some girl-on-girl sex tips, simply talking dirty prior to the act is a great way to establish what you both do and don’t want to try with each other. During the act? Never be afraid to say you’ve changed your mind about something – and always listen carefully to what she says too. Trusting your instincts, and each other, is a crucial part of enjoyable sex.
Girls have the same bits, yay – so what better way to practice? If you’re a regular masturbator, great. If not, perhaps now is the time to learn more about it… Here’s a handy guide to give you some pointers. Don’t freak out if it doesn’t work for you – solo sex isn’t for everyone.
Another good way to learn more about vaginas is by putting a mirror between your legs and having a good look. Women’s outer vaginas vary in appearance (so don’t be shocked if hers doesn’t look much like yours at all) but delve a little deeper and you’ll find the important bits are generally in a similar area.
I will never forget the first time I had a pair of boobs that weren’t my own to play with. My mind went totally blank and I sort of flapped my hands excitedly at them. It wasn’t my best sexual performance.
Some women don’t like having their breasts touched at all. If that’s you or your partner, that’s cool. But if breast play is on the agenda then, as a general guide, start gentle – some women’s boobs are more sensitive than others. Cup them delicately, trace them lightly with your fingers, kiss them softly… Try not to grab. If all is going well, then try licking her nipples, using circular movements interspersed with sucking (not too hard).
Get those nail clippers out NOW. See those “lesbians” in porn films? I’m pretty sure 90% of their million-decibel screams and moans are because their co-star has snagged a crimson talon somewhere the sun don’t shine.
Clitoral stimulation is how most women achieve orgasm, but each woman is different: some women enjoy very fast friction directly to the clitoris, for instance, while others enjoy slow rubbing on the outer lips. Don’t be put off if you have to go through a bit of trial and error with a new partner.
Checked she’s OK with penetration? Ready to go in? Start with one finger and build up – shoving four in at once, unless specifically asked to, can be considered bad form. You also need to make sure you keep an eye on what your other digits are doing – thumbs digging into thighs spoil the mood. Build speed up slowly.
G-spot stimulation sends some women wild, others are indifferent, and still others actively dislike the sensation of having it touched. “OK,” I hear you cry, “but where the hell is it?” If you put your own finger inside you and hook it up as if you were beckoning someone, you will feel a spongy bit. It’s easier for some women than it is for others to find it, so persevere. Wiggle your finger(s) on it and see what happens…
6. Giving oral
This seems to be the bit that scares first-time lady-lovers the most. It’s also the hardest aspect of girl-on-girl sex to give clear, one-size-fits-all advice on – sorry ladies! Again, starting slowly is a good plan. Gently part her outer labia and lick up from the entrance to the clitoris (this has the added benefit of giving you chance to find the clit if you are having trouble – some girls wear ’em buried deep!). Lick up and down the labia themselves. Focus on the clit and licking round it, using your wonderful friend Ms Circular Motion. Vary the pressure. Inserting a finger at the same time adds an extra frisson for some. Trial and error, trial and error.
Check out point 10 to discover that there are myriad ways of doing this (hurrah!). For a simple starter, try it with one of you lying down and the other straddling her, placing one another’s thigh in one another’s crotch. You might feel a bit clumsy at first but you’ll soon you should find you fit together and get into the rhythm of it.
Statistically, you are far less likely to catch anything from another woman than you are from a man. However, it is still possible. Lesbian sex can transfer bacterial vaginosis, herpes, HPV and, more rarely, trichomoniasis and hepatitis. For safer oral sex, little squares of latex called dental dams can be placed over your genitals. Handy hint: a slit open condom works just as well. For responsible fingering, grab yourself some latex gloves.
Other kit? Well that’s for discussion between the two of you. Personally I’d advise keeping this for later – things will be nervewracking enough as it is if you’ve never slept with a woman before! As ever, remember that some women don’t like being penetrated – never assume anything. Use toys with condoms and/or wash them between uses to prevent spreading anything.
As you are no doubt aware, women generally take longer than men to orgasm and some find it hard to manage at all. So don’t despair if you’ve already come and she’s still nowhere near the finishing line, or vice versa. I can never emphasise enough that an orgasm is not the be all and end all of a satisfying sexual experience – and of course the less you stress, the more likely it is you’ll manage it in the future.
10. Next steps…
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