Hot tub s*x is so sexy, according to every movie ever. But due to cruel, cruel physics, IRL the hot wetness of a hot tub doesn’t translate to hot, wet s*x. It does, however, lead to an increased risk of infections, weird rashes and, conversely, some of the mostly strangely dry s*x you will ever have. Whee!
Still, if you have hot tub access, you’ll want to take advantage of that steamy swirl of water somehow. Here’s how.
- The shark fin
He’s fine to be submerged, you are not, so… oral for you! Lie back on a towel with your hips at the edge of the tub. Spread your legs, letting your feet dangle in the water and appreciate what this man can do with his mouth. If he’s happy soaking among the warm jets, he may stay down below for a bit longer. #Winwin.
- The deep dive
You can have s*x in the tub, sort of, if you keep your v**ina land-locked at all times. Try him in the tub, standing or kneeling, depending on height and shape of tub. You lie back on a towel, hips on the edge of the tub and drape your legs over his shoulders.
- The free style
Have him kneel on a towel and squeeze a fresh bottle of lube across his chest, legs, and over his man-hood and balls. (Make sure the lube is warm enough. Shoulda mentioned that first.) Use the whole damn bottle: rub some over your b**bs (always a crowd pleaser), then sit on his legs, drizzling the last bit between your legs as you slide onto him. Go ahead and make a mess, you’re next to a damn tub!
- The rubber ducky
You can still totally get pregnant and/or STIs underwater. And condoms will fall off, plus the insane dryness of chlorinated water will bum everyone out. So you’ve gotta go offshore with a condom and lots of lube at the ready. He sits at the edge of the tub, you kneel with your legs on either side of his, facing the tub. You control how deep you want to go and he can enjoy the view of the water and your fine b*tt.
- The life boat
If the hot tub is your own and if you absolutely know it’s PH-balanced, insanely sanitary and all that, then hell, risk it and hop in unclad. But even then, no penetration in the water! (Am I yelling again? Sorry.) Have your unclad soak together, get all relaxed and turned on, then get out. Wrap yourself in clean warm towels, lie down and go out at with lube. You’ll fulfill your hot tub fantasies, sans the chafing.